What now?

The weather’s perfect. That’s what started this, gave me all these feelings that I haven’t felt in so long.

It’s the beginning of fall, so it’s chilly, and since I'm near the river, there’s almost always a cold breeze. But if you’re sitting in the sun, or wearing a warm jacket, it’s perfect.

I sit alone. Normally, this would probably make me happy. But not today, not this week. PMS heightens my emotions and sensitivity, so my mood swings aren’t entirely arbitrary (- or they are, if that makes sense).

I don’t know when I realised that I liked him more than a friend (wow, look at how many ‘I’s there are in that sentence!). Was it the night before our final when we sat in the lobby until two in the morning, exchanging class notes and studying? But no, it can’t have been then, because he had a girlfriend at that time.

Was it over the dozen random conversations we had over the summer, all via text because I was in Florida and I don’t really like talking on the phone?

Or was it when, as the start of the Fall Semester drew closer, I grew more and more upset and worried about my ‘homelessness’ and he was always calming me down even though he didn’t know why I was so worried because I hadn’t really told him the reason? That afternoon, when I was on the verge of a breakdown because absolutely nothing was working out and I felt hopeless and I finally told him how stressed I actually was and why, and he was so nice and reassuring about it. Was it then?

Or was it when, after I finally heard from the dorm that I had a room, he was probably the first person I told, and he was SO excited and glad for me?

He was always there when I needed him. I can’t put my finger on the exact moment when my feelings changed, but I know they did, despite him having a girlfriend.

And then that Thursday. The day after school started. When I finally got to see him after the entire summer. Those two hours were almost blissful. We talked about everything, literally everything. And he was as nice and funny and charming as I’d remembered. And then he mentions that he’s broken up with his girlfriend and I don’t stop smiling for the rest of the night.

That was two weeks ago. I don’t know what’s happened since then. We text, but he usually responds an hour later. Our attempts at meeting always fail. I actually started getting over him, because I don’t need more people in my life who are busy all the time. I have enough of those.

And then I bumped into him on my way out of class yesterday. And those five minutes before his next class were like the two hours that previous Thursday.

How is this possible?