December Favourites

It’s the end of the year! It’s so weird that an entire YEAR has gone by. I was confused about whether to do a monthly favourites post or a yearly favourites post or both; finally decided to just do a monthly favourites post. So let’s get started…

1. Parties!!
December has been a month of parties. Well, only two, to be precise, but for me that’s a LOT. The first was this Harry Potter themed party, where you had to dress in your house colors and for each drink you finished, your house got a point! A cool idea, but the party was hosted by two guys, and so it ended up being one of those parties where everyone is just trying to get as drunk as possible. It was a very typical college party- everyone was getting drunk, there was random dancing, and even more random making out. I had one drink. It was also a bring your own alcohol party, so I had to ask other people to share. I did have fun though, because after a point, Si and a couple of our other friends and I just occupied one of the sofas and observed.

The second party was a pajama party! Hosted by one of my friend’s roommates as a celebration of his graduating. This was mostly people I knew, and there weren’t too many people, so by the end of the night id spoken to everyone. And I didn’t get drunk again, mostly because I had to come back home and pack because I was moving out of my dorm the next day. I had a really good time though. Si was there for this party too, and she’s become such a good friend, I am so happy to know her. She's also planning to have her own Harry Potter themed party, probably sometime in Feb, so that’s something to look forward to.

2. Got through another semester!
That deserves a round of applause, especially since it’s been such a shit semester. But I made it through. Finals week was particularly awful, with me getting little to no sleep, and even less food. But it’s over now, and next semester looks VERY promising. I've got lovely classes to look forward to, as well as no more early classes. I’m just glad I made it through this one. It was tough, I hated almost every minute of it, but there were a few good moments and anyway, I don’t have to suffer through any more of it now.

3. Home.
I never ever thought I’d be this happy to be back, but I am. It’s been a week (holy shit, I’ve already been home a week, how the fuck did that happen?), and I’ve been so, SO happy. My family, my friends, my cat, my room, my BOOKS, ahhhhhhhhhhhhh… everything is so perfect. I suddenly have so much free time, I can read again! And catch up on TV shows and movies. And eat food that I don’t have to pay for. And spend all day in my pajamas if I want to. And meet my friends whenever I want! And text and get responses at once because we’re all in the same time zone! Hanging out with them is so relaxing, especially since we do the same shit we always did; nothing has changed. So. Much. Happiness.

Actually, it's more than that. So. Much. Contentment.

4. The Hobbit.
This was bittersweet, really. The movie was so fucking good. But I cried so much. For me, this was bigger than watching the final Harry Potter movie. Middle Earth has always meant SO MUCH more to me. It’s my home, literally. It’s where I would escape when I was younger and (I thought) my life was shit. Before Harry Potter, before Game of Thrones, before Doctor Who, before any and all other fandoms and worlds that I got into, I fell in love with Tolkien’s Middle Earth. And this last movie was the end of an era and it was just very overwhelming and emotional. And beautiful.

5. Tom Hiddleston and I are taking a break and I'm currently falling for (and I can’t believe these words are coming out of my mouth) Harry Styles.

He’s. So. Adorable. Why is he that way? I have been introduced to the joys of reading smut and fluff and I found this site with the most amazing Harry fics and ohhhhhhmyyyygodddd. My love for this boy is growing at a rate I didn’t ever expect. But I love him right now. I really do. 

So that’s all for now! Cheerio!

Move the fuck on goddammit.

Why is it so hard to accept it in my heart. In my head, I'm fully aware of the fact that I'll never be a part of their lives. And I'm okay with it.
But then shit happens and I see stuff and I just want to fucking disappear because I cannot see myself belonging anywhere with them and
It
Fucking
Hurts

Note to self:

Accept the fact that you're never going to be a part of their lives the way you want to.
Do not get attached.
Move on.

Grand Piano

Because you all need to hear this. I normally don't even like her music. But this song is different. I've been listening to this over and over and over and over again.
It's. So. Good.

So I decided to take a break from studying and writing essays

(Like I was getting any actual work done anyway), and watch something. I didn’t want to watch Prison Break, because I knew I wouldn’t be able to stop with just one episode. I didn’t feel like catching up on all my other shows either, just…because. So I did the smart thing. And watched Prisoner of Azkaban. Because it’s my favourite book and movie in the series. And because I’d rewatched the first two (only the fun bits) recently.

And now I’m crying 5ever because Prisoner of Azkaban really is the best out of the entire series (in my opinion) and it’s also the last one where there’s some sort of innocence left because let’s face it, once You-Know-Who returns in the fourth one, the shit well and truly hits the fan and nothing’s beautiful after that.

I’m not going to watch the others over the next week.  I’m NOT. I’ll save them for Winter Break so that I can reread the books first and then watch all of them and cry my eyes out.

You’d think I would have more sense than to start on this during Finals, but of course, it’s only during finals that I have these strong urges to do the damnedest things-anything except really work. Now I’m not going to be able to concentrate on anything. Why do I do this to myself? Sigh.

November Favourites

November was a rather tumultuous month. (So proud I got to use that word :P)

Writing this helped me remember the good parts, and let me tell you, the good parts were good.

1. My girls.

They are the reason behind my sanity and I am grateful for them each and every single day of my life. The day after The Kiss, when I told them about it, we were all excited and laughing and everything was fine. But the day after that, I said something in the course of one of our conversations and I guess it alerted them to the fact that I wasn't completely on board with this whole situation. And after getting me to 'fess up, they gave me a firm but much needed talking to, the essence of which was that I had done nothing wrong and that it was okay to not be on control every once in a while and that this would most likely not go any further, so there was nothing I should be upset/worried about. But it isn’t just that day, though it serves as an excellent example of how much I need and love them. Every single day, we have the most random of conversations, some extremely deep and emotional, some so entirely ridiculous that we never refer to them ever again, and beneath it all, there’s this reassurance that no matter what happens, we love and accept each other for who we are.

2. The Wedding.

Remember how I’d told you about my old babysitter calling me up? Her wedding was this month, and so definitely makes it to the favourites list. She got some of her friends to pick me up so that I had transport, because the wedding was at this place pretty far away, etc. Anyway. The wedding itself was beautiful. I'm one of those people who cry at weddings, so I got teary and everything, but I was fine. Then at the reception, I met her dad who recognized me at once and was super happy to see me, etc. He and my dad were great friends, so he asked about him, etc. He’s grown old though, everyone does, but he used to be an army officer and so remembering him then and seeing him now, it’s so different… Then I met her mum. Her mum's family and my mum's family were neighbors growing up so they go wayyyyy back. She didn’t recognize me at first and then I said my name and that was it. Hugged me like a long lost daughter and dragged me to meet her entire family who were there. I didn't realize how well they all knew my mum's family because as soon as they realize who my mum was, they all went omg you're here, etc.

Other than that, it was normal. Desi food, so paneer and kebabs yaaassss. But also there was dancing and I kinda wanted to but a. Who would I do the couples dances with; and b. These people knew my parents, so nvm.

But when I finally met the bride, she was so excited and I was so excited, and just, general happiness. She was busy of course, they all were, so I didn’t get to catch up as much as I would have liked, but we have each other’s numbers and once the craziness has dies down we'll probably meet up, so that’s cool.

3. Friendsgiving.

So because Thanksgiving is more of a family thing, Totes and Chuckles (The Brother’s best friends whom I love) were having an early Thanksgiving party at their apartment for all their friends. Hence the name, Friendsgiving. The party was on a Saturday, so Totes asked if I could come over Friday night and just stay the entire weekend and help clean and cook.

I got there on Friday night, walked in right when Totes and Chuckles were marinating the turkey, and therefore nearly passed out in the hallway. Just in case you don’t know, raw meat freaks me out. And a whole raw turkey…let’s not go there. Though I've already been there, so… anyway. We sat around and just chatted, well I chatted, they went on doing turkey stuff. Then once that was over, Chuckles started making a list of stuff they needed to buy, Totes started cleaning her room, and I began sweeping the living room. We all did our own stuff for a bit, talking about random things throughout. Then went out and bought the stuff, finished cleaning, ate dinner. Then Totes was baking cornbread, and Chuckles and I played a game of beer pong (only with water instead of beer), and I thoroughly beat him. Which shocked Totes because apparently Chuckles is the reigning undefeated champion at beer pong. And when The Brother came by later, he was also very shocked. Though then Chuckles and I played again and he won this time so maybe it was just beginners' luck? Though Totes was incredibly proud of me, so whtvs. We stayed up till 4:30, talking, baking cookies and cornbread, just chilling really. Then bedtime for everyone. Woke up around 10:30, picked at random food, showered, and got the turkey in the oven. I vacuumed the house. We started setting up stuff. And 3:00pm onwards people started coming in.

It was just a fun night. I talked to pretty much everyone there, and there were a LOT of people, easily over 25 people, probably more. But I was social, and cheerful, and I liked it. And then slowly people started leaving and then finally everyone was gone and I fell asleep on Totes’ bed beside her because this friend of theirs, Meg, was staying over as well because she didn’t want to drive back drunk so she was in the living room. Woke up surprisingly early, at 8:30, after going to bed at 2:30. We all just hung out in the living room and talked and laughed about the party, picked at the leftovers, (there were a LOT of leftovers), cleaned a little, but mostly just lay on the sofa/floor/chairs. We did this till afternoon. Then Chuckles played video games, Meg fell asleep again, I dozed off, Totes was also dozing off. And then in the evening, around 5, we all got our shit together, took turns showering, Meg left, I swept and vacuumed the living room, helped do some more cleaning, and then Totes was going out so she drove me to the subway station. And that was my weekend. Easily the best weekend of my life, or at least of this year.

Oh and one my favourite parts was while we were talking that morning, suddenly Chuckles walked over from the kitchen to where I was sitting on the floor, and as he’s walking to me he says “Ella stand up” (I stand up) “and give me a hug” and I did, not really sure why, but it's Chuckles so I was like oh okay, and then he said “I'm so proud of you, you were wonderful last night, you talked to everybody and you had a good time, and I'm just really proud of you”. And Totes was like yessss you were great, I'm so glad and so proud of you too. And I was all :’)

4. Getting drunk.

Friendsgiving was also the first time I got properly drunk. It was fun, to say the very least. Drunk me is more friendly and sociable and willing to initiate conversations with people I don’t know. Drunk me is also more likely to play random games and laugh a lot. I like drunk me. Though I sent my friends a series of voice messages (that I don’t remember sending) which, when I went back and listened to the next morning, left me utterly mortified.  I sound SO flaky. I have a very strong white girl accent and I say stupid shit and…let’s all just forget about those messages. I also had text conversations that I definitely don’t remember  typing or reading a word of. Thankfully they were with The Brother and another friend of mine so it wasn’t embarrassing or scandalous, just funny. I wasn’t too badly hungover the next morning, just a slight headache and nausea. I was more tired than anything. But I didn’t throw up, for which I am extremely grateful because throwing up would have meant I’d have burst into tears. (That’s just what happens when I throw up. I cry.) Overall though, good experience. Fun experience. One I would like to repeat. Also, I really like vodka.

5. Actual Thanksgiving.

For the actual holiday, I went over to some old family friends’ house. There was a lot of really good food, which I gorged on. Stuffed myself to the point of feeling slightly sick. But the food was SO good. And as it was my first Thanksgiving, I had a really good time. Tiramisu cake balls. That was the highlight. Possibly one of the best desserts I have ever eaten. So. Fricking. Good.

So that was my November. There were a lot of downs, which is why the month was tumultuous, but I got through. And a constant favourite is that I am counting the days till I get to go home. SO excited about that.