I'd forgotten how good it feels to stand under a fan and have the breeze blow on your face and through your hair and send cool air beneath your clothes and make you feel alive and vibrant yet at peace and cozy at the same time.
There was one of those large ceiling fans at the subway station today. I don't normally use that station, but it's the one closest to a friend's house. And while the temperature has dropped outside, it's a five minute walk from her apartment and so by the time I reached the station, I was feeling hot.
And standing beneath the fan, suddenly I felt like I could do anything. Well, almost anything. But it felt good. And it's enough to keep me going tonight as I pull an all nighter in an attempt to finish assignments for class tomorrow.

In Class Writing

So the Friday before last, and this past Wednesday, we had to do a bunch of in-class writing assignments for my ENG110 class. The first was based on these two essays we had studied earlier and now were working on for a paper; the second was a response to an essay we'd read that morning.

It wasn't official classwork or anything; the professor wasn't going to check, we didn't have to read it out, nothing of that sort. We were just doing it as a kind of note writing exercise for us to refer to later on. My responses took a rather interesting turn…enjoy!

Education and compassionate imagination: Does the one lead to the other?

In Edmundson’s essay, he rambles on about how consumerism has led to universities becoming marketplaces-products-instead of centers for (of?) learning.

Nussbaum rambles even more about the compassionate imagination and how a liberal education develops said compassionate imagination and transforms one into a responsible “citizen of the world”.

It is all v boring BS. Reading the essays just for the purpose of reading makes them enjoyable. Having to write a paper on them is synonymous with torture. It is driving me fucking insane, and coupled with the BS essay topics in ENG120 and the stupid reading & discussion assignments from TCH201, it is pushing me closer and closer to the edge. Fucking ridiculous. I'm exhausted, sleep deprived, and irritated by all the BS. I’d trade this semester for one at Francis. At least there, I'd

a.       Be with my girls.

b.      Have subjects that I'm actually interested in.

Sure, the teachers there are pretty shit. But at least I'd be studying history and literature instead of this BS.

***

Write a response in light of J.H.’s ideas, figuring out how you can get the most out of your college education.

            Right now, I just hope to survive. I don’t know what I want to do with my life. I have zero future plans (other than moving to London, dressing like Mary Margaret, meeting Tom, and eventually marrying him).

            W/ regards to my college education, all I want out of it rn is that degree- those two letters that say I've been to college and graduated.

            I have shit classes this semester, lord knows if I’ll be able to take proper litr classes next sem. Lord knows if all my credits have been transferred in, & they’d better have been, because that would just free me of a huge amount of courses.

            I need to graduate and get a job and get the hell out of here. That’s what I want out of my college education: a path to escape.

September Favorites

So now that we're in October, I can do my first favourites post! Again, I totally stole this idea from my friends @ awesomewebe. I'm keeping to a minimum of five per month. Because there’s four weeks to a month, and there must have been at least one nice thing every week, and one thing through the month? Also five is just a good number. Anyway. Here we goooo…


1. Moving into the dorm.

That’s at the top of the list because I wasn't even sure if I would get a room since I was on the wait-list. I was staying with my brother, but it’s a one bedroom apartment and he works and most days when I woke up to get ready for school he would have just gotten into bed. And it was almost a 90 minute commute to school. Not easy. Though I managed. And even got used to it towards the end. But it wasn't an ideal situation. School started on the third, I moved in ten days later. It was a close run. But it all worked out! Despite my worrying and depression and breakdowns, everything did work out. So that was a HUGE weight off my shoulders.

2. Bonding with The Brother’s friends.

The Brother is just my older (step) brother. Whom I love unconditionally. I practically worship the ground he walks on. Well no, not really. But I adore him. And his friends are the coolest. And this month I got to spend a lot of time with his two best friends, and they treated me like family, and it was really nice because I've always wanted to have that with them. One of them, let’s call her Totes, is a good friend of mine too. She's the one I mentioned in a couple of previous posts. She's become like an older sister to me and I love her. The other best friend, I never got that much of a chance to hang out with him because he works and has crazy shifts and is usually busy on weekends. But this one week he injured his knee and so was at home. And Friday night he remembered that I was still at my brother’s house and we ended up getting Chinese food and baking brownies and just chilling. And now we both watch The Voice together (he at his apartment, me in my dorm), and live text each other, and it’s funnn.

3. T.V. Shows.

The Voice. Two words: Adam Levine.

Breaking Bad! I finally finished it. Season 5 was SO unbelievably good. And watching the finale with my friend in India who got me into the show in the first place was such a great experience.

How To Get Away With Murder, Selfie, Agents of Shield, Doctor Who. New shows and new seasons of old shows. Always good.

4. Football (soccer).

I don’t know how I got sucked into this, but I did, and now I can’t seem to leave. All my life I actively avoided getting interested in this particular sport, but after the world cup this year, two of my friends fell in love with it. And they dragged me under with them. And I love it now. #fcbarcelona FTW. Messi and Neymar <3

5. Update on life.

I started this email thread with one of my best-est friends ever and it’s a godsend. Sure we talk (text) and chat on FB every day, but this thread is perfect because it’s a mixture of everyday nonsense and deep shit and musings and dreams and rants and whining and stories and…life.

6. Birthdays!

Not mine. But three of my favourite people: my favourite cousin, Becky; Totes; and my very own Marshmallow  ^_^

I wasn't there for Becky and Marshmallow’s because, well, I'm in NY and they aren't. And it sucked that I couldn't be there. But it was still good because I talked to them and I knew they had good birthdays and I love them (and missed them terribly) but it was all good. I was here for Totes' birthday, but I couldn't meet her on her actual birthday because she and The Brother and their friends went out and I'm underage so even though she wanted me to come, I couldn't. So that sucked too. But I bought her these chocolates and cookies that she loves so that made it better. And birthdays in general, are always good. Or you hope that they will be. And usually they turn out pretty okay.

7. Feelings.

I don’t think I need to elaborate too much here. My first two posts were all gushing over this guy. I haven’t felt that way in a really long time, at least, not about an actual person whom I  know. So while it ended up being painful and not working out, the feelings were good while they lasted.

8.  MY TICKETS ARE BOOKED FOR WINTER BREAK I CANT WAIT TO SEE MY FRIENDS AND FAMILY AND EAT GOOD FOOD AGAIN AND NOT DIE IN THE FREEZING TEMPERATURES YAAASSSSS

I think that’s all for this month. Note to self, keep a draft and add favourites as they come along. I shall start this right away, because I already have one thing lined up for this month’s favourites. See y’all later! Byeee.

p.s. I don’t even know who I'm talking to. Let’s pretend there’s someone reading this. Hey, you! :)

I'm over him.