Thursday, 29 October 2015

Thin Ice

Some days I can hear the ice crack
As I live,
And it feels like every step is a risk
Because any one could
Break the floor beneath my feet.

I tread with care most days,
Softly and gently,
Quietly, so I don't break and fall
And lose myself and
Plunge into I know not what.

But some days I throw all cares to the wind,
Stomp and jump and run and fall
Because maybe what I need
Maybe what I really need
Is for everything to break and be destroyed and
Lie in ruins about me;
Maybe I am a phoenix and need to
Burn and consume myself entirely
Before I can be reborn and rise from the ashes.

Or maybe I'm just a foolish child
Skating on thin ice.

Monday, 19 October 2015

Being Fine

"I'll be fine," she whispered to
Herself, as she squeezed her eyes shut.
Opened them and took a deep breath and
Pressed the button to go back,
Not wanting to look at it any longer than she could help it.
Such a little thing, just a small,
Green circle,but it was enough—
More than enough—
And what once set her heart a-flutter,
Now plunged it into the depths of despair.
"I'll be fine," she whispered again
And again and again,
"I will be fine," as hot, scalding tears
Streamed down her cheeks.

Sunday, 18 October 2015

Today I Listened to Country Music

it's 7 in the evening on a sunday night
the week stretches on ahead looking like the sahara
and i have done no work

instead i'm sitting in bed still in last night's tshirt
a sweater and my blankets
and listening to country music

where did that come from
i don't like country music but
there's something to be said about slow songs drawled out 

and alone in bed it feels like a wave washing 
over me and drowning out the feelings
that have been overpowering my existence all week

it is cold outside and i should 
shower and begin work before it gets too late
and i slip into unconsciousness 

Thursday, 15 October 2015

It's been three weeks since we started talking,
Sixteen days since we met,
And six days since you called it off—
Why am I still looking for a text from you?
Why can't I stop hoping?
I have hope
Tattooed across my body and mind—
And this hope will be the death of me.

Monday, 12 October 2015

Chains Like the Sea

I'd read this poem a while ago, around the time Interstellar came out and I discovered Dylan Thomas. "Do Not Go Gentle" captivated me, and so I devoured Dylan Thomas' poetry like it was chocolate cake. "Fern Hill" was one of the lesser known but oh-so-beautiful poems that I, nerd that I am, read aloud in my room at night, pretending I was the poet, reading it out to an adoring audience. 
Then I forgot it. Until a few weeks ago. And now it will forever be etched into my memory, the last lines, if nothing else:
"Time held me green and dying 
Though I sang in my chains like the sea."

Fern Hill
Dylan Thomas
Now as I was young and easy under the apple boughs 
About the lilting house and happy as the grass was green, 
The night above the dingle starry, 
Time let me hail and climb 
Golden in the heydays of his eyes, 
And honoured among wagons I was prince of the apple towns 
And once below a time I lordly had the trees and leaves 
Trail with daisies and barley 
Down the rivers of the windfall light. 

And as I was green and carefree, famous among the barns 
About the happy yard and singing as the farm was home, 
In the sun that is young once only, 
Time let me play and be 
Golden in the mercy of his means, 
And green and golden I was huntsman and herdsman, the calves 
Sang to my horn, the foxes on the hills barked clear and cold, 
And the sabbath rang slowly 
In the pebbles of the holy streams. 

All the sun long it was running, it was lovely, the hay 
Fields high as the house, the tunes from the chimneys, it was air 
And playing, lovely and watery 
And fire green as grass. 
And nightly under the simple stars 
As I rode to sleep the owls were bearing the farm away, 
All the moon long I heard, blessed among stables, the nightjars 
Flying with the ricks, and the horses 
Flashing into the dark. 

And then to awake, and the farm, like a wanderer white 
With the dew, come back, the cock on his shoulder: it was all 
Shining, it was Adam and maiden, 
The sky gathered again 
And the sun grew round that very day. 
So it must have been after the birth of the simple light 
In the first, spinning place, the spellbound horses walking warm 
Out of the whinnying green stable 
On to the fields of praise. 

And honoured among foxes and pheasants by the gay house 
Under the new made clouds and happy as the heart was long, 
In the sun born over and over, I ran my heedless ways, 
My wishes raced through the house high hay 
And nothing I cared, at my sky blue trades, that time allows 
In all his tuneful turning so few and such morning songs 
Before the children green and golden 
Follow him out of grace, 

Nothing I cared, in the lamb white days, that time would take me 
Up to the swallow thronged loft by the shadow of my hand, 
In the moon that is always rising, 
Nor that riding to sleep I should hear him fly with the high fields 
And wake to the farm forever fled from the childless land. 
Oh as I was young and easy in the mercy of his means, 
Time held me green and dying 
Though I sang in my chains like the sea.

Thursday, 1 October 2015

Mornings Again

Of late I have taken to
Waking up with the sun. It is,
To me, a superhuman feat.
Strange that I feel this way,
Since all my years of school required me to get up at
Fairly early hours,
And exams meant even earlier hours.
When did it change and why?

It doesn’t matter, I suppose. I have
Begun waking with the sun again,
Even before, some days. I have
Begun training—no, retraining—my body to run on
A few hours of sleep,
Only until the weekend when I
Open my eyes with the sun
But shut them again almost
At once and wake only when sleep leaves my
Body comforted and content.

But it is the early mornings that
I cherish.
It is the early mornings that fill me with
Peace.
It is in the early mornings that my heart learns
To love again.