Hello one, hello all!
You know how sometimes- very, very rarely- you meet someone with whom you just click? Like, three sentences into the conversation and you know that you're going to get along. And as the evening progresses, you realise this person is unlike any other that you've ever met and you wonder what will happen when it's time to leave.
Well. That's what happened today. Let me backtrack a little bit.
So wayyyy back at the beginning of June, I'd applied at this publishing company for an internship. They called me the next day and asked if I could come in for an editorial test, which I did, and then said they'd call with the results. No news for three weeks. I began wishing I'd never applied there because the delay in something so small was annoying me. Then they called and said I'd got it and I'd be starting work on 1 July. But at this point I'd just found out about a part time job at this really amazing bakery and had been hoping the internship wouldn't work out so I could just go work at the bakery. Long story short, I wasn't excited about the internship anymore.
First day. Didn't do much, just had orientation and met my supervisor, J, along with everyone else on the editorial team. The second day was much the same, though towards the end, J started giving me stuff to proofread. The first week finished. Week#2. The pace picks up. No more orientation, just lots of reading and editing. I got my own cubicle, which had a pin-up board, so I brought stuff from home to personalise my cubicle, because who doesn't love doing that :P I was starting to settle in and get used to the schedule, and actually liking it. I also had a teeny tiny crush on J. One of those crushes where when you're around the person you get all feels-y, but the rest of time, when you're away, it's all cool. No biggie.
I made friends with one of the younger editors, who introduced me to one of her friends and so the three of us started eating lunch together. I had work to do, work that involved reading and editing, both of which were tasks I liked. I had my own little cubicle, and the office was quiet and peaceful. I listened to music while I worked, and the calm meant that I started wanting to stay later because I didn't want to go home to the noise and attention of people. This really was the perfect job for me- reading, writing, and very little interaction with people.
Then my parents, who'd been out of town, returned. And two of my cousins came to stay. And I had to leave my lovely, quiet cubicle, and go home to a whole lot more people than I am used to. And it wasn't easy. I began staying till 5:45/6:00 instead of leaving at 5:30 when I was supposed to. I also was just really really happy at work. Crushing on J remained the way it had been, low-key and harmless. My lunch friends were not my age but I still had friends to eat with and talk to and that was nice. I was happy.
And then today, well now it's yesterday, everything changed. My friend was going to visit her family in another city over the weekend, so she left early. Around 4:30, I started getting restless. I'd been working on this book for the past week, and today I'd reached saturation point. Everything was blurring into one and no matter how many times I read a page, it made no sense to me. I tried to work for a little bit more, thinking if I just made it through the next hour, I could leave. At 4:45 I got up from my cubicle. I couldn't do it. I needed a break, even if it was just for a few minutes. Talk to someone, walk around, just get away from my computer. I was going to go to my friend's cubicle but then I remembered she'd already left, and my other friend had been so busy that she hadn't even eaten with us. So that left J. I was so tired of my book that I figured, hey, I'd go ask him if he was busy. If he was, I'd come back and just power through till 5:30; if not, I'd talk to him for a few minutes.
He said he was bored. I sat down to talk. And we didn't move till 8:15.
Three. And. A. Half. H O U R S.
That's how long we talked for. And we left only because my mum started getting frantic and told me to please come home because it was getting late.
We talked about everything possible. I have never ever in all my life met someone with whom I just instantly clicked and could carry on a pleasant conversation, and for so long. I'm socially awkward, I find it difficult to talk to people I know, let alone people I don't know. This was the first conversation that J and I had that wasn't about work and lasted more than five minutes. And I told him stuff that I'm usually very, very reluctant to share with other people. And we discussed likes, dislikes, plans, family, everything. He told me stories about his family, growing up, work, relationships...just life. It's not even like we agreed on everything; we disagreed about stuff too, but in such a way that we both learnt from the other's perspective and no one was offended. We found similarities and differences, funny stories and not so funny ones. And I found in J something that I've never been able to find in all of my friends- empathy about my lack of faith. And suddenly all the feelings that till now had only been met with sympathy and love were met by someone who knew precisely what I was talking about and who'd made it through. And while sympathy and love is wonderful, empathy is a different level of wonderful. And I just never wanted to leave.
I don't want a romantic relationship, at least not yet. But I want, no I need something with J because I'm pretty sure I may never find someone with whom I'll feel S O comfortable so quickly, ever again. I want to remember this day forever and ever, but at the same time I don't want my feelings getting in the way of this. I want this to take its course and hope that it all just works out for the best. Because what we had today was, in my view at least, nothing like I'd ever had before. And I don't want to lose it.
You know how sometimes- very, very rarely- you meet someone with whom you just click? Like, three sentences into the conversation and you know that you're going to get along. And as the evening progresses, you realise this person is unlike any other that you've ever met and you wonder what will happen when it's time to leave.
Well. That's what happened today. Let me backtrack a little bit.
So wayyyy back at the beginning of June, I'd applied at this publishing company for an internship. They called me the next day and asked if I could come in for an editorial test, which I did, and then said they'd call with the results. No news for three weeks. I began wishing I'd never applied there because the delay in something so small was annoying me. Then they called and said I'd got it and I'd be starting work on 1 July. But at this point I'd just found out about a part time job at this really amazing bakery and had been hoping the internship wouldn't work out so I could just go work at the bakery. Long story short, I wasn't excited about the internship anymore.
First day. Didn't do much, just had orientation and met my supervisor, J, along with everyone else on the editorial team. The second day was much the same, though towards the end, J started giving me stuff to proofread. The first week finished. Week#2. The pace picks up. No more orientation, just lots of reading and editing. I got my own cubicle, which had a pin-up board, so I brought stuff from home to personalise my cubicle, because who doesn't love doing that :P I was starting to settle in and get used to the schedule, and actually liking it. I also had a teeny tiny crush on J. One of those crushes where when you're around the person you get all feels-y, but the rest of time, when you're away, it's all cool. No biggie.
I made friends with one of the younger editors, who introduced me to one of her friends and so the three of us started eating lunch together. I had work to do, work that involved reading and editing, both of which were tasks I liked. I had my own little cubicle, and the office was quiet and peaceful. I listened to music while I worked, and the calm meant that I started wanting to stay later because I didn't want to go home to the noise and attention of people. This really was the perfect job for me- reading, writing, and very little interaction with people.
Then my parents, who'd been out of town, returned. And two of my cousins came to stay. And I had to leave my lovely, quiet cubicle, and go home to a whole lot more people than I am used to. And it wasn't easy. I began staying till 5:45/6:00 instead of leaving at 5:30 when I was supposed to. I also was just really really happy at work. Crushing on J remained the way it had been, low-key and harmless. My lunch friends were not my age but I still had friends to eat with and talk to and that was nice. I was happy.
And then today, well now it's yesterday, everything changed. My friend was going to visit her family in another city over the weekend, so she left early. Around 4:30, I started getting restless. I'd been working on this book for the past week, and today I'd reached saturation point. Everything was blurring into one and no matter how many times I read a page, it made no sense to me. I tried to work for a little bit more, thinking if I just made it through the next hour, I could leave. At 4:45 I got up from my cubicle. I couldn't do it. I needed a break, even if it was just for a few minutes. Talk to someone, walk around, just get away from my computer. I was going to go to my friend's cubicle but then I remembered she'd already left, and my other friend had been so busy that she hadn't even eaten with us. So that left J. I was so tired of my book that I figured, hey, I'd go ask him if he was busy. If he was, I'd come back and just power through till 5:30; if not, I'd talk to him for a few minutes.
He said he was bored. I sat down to talk. And we didn't move till 8:15.
Three. And. A. Half. H O U R S.
That's how long we talked for. And we left only because my mum started getting frantic and told me to please come home because it was getting late.
We talked about everything possible. I have never ever in all my life met someone with whom I just instantly clicked and could carry on a pleasant conversation, and for so long. I'm socially awkward, I find it difficult to talk to people I know, let alone people I don't know. This was the first conversation that J and I had that wasn't about work and lasted more than five minutes. And I told him stuff that I'm usually very, very reluctant to share with other people. And we discussed likes, dislikes, plans, family, everything. He told me stories about his family, growing up, work, relationships...just life. It's not even like we agreed on everything; we disagreed about stuff too, but in such a way that we both learnt from the other's perspective and no one was offended. We found similarities and differences, funny stories and not so funny ones. And I found in J something that I've never been able to find in all of my friends- empathy about my lack of faith. And suddenly all the feelings that till now had only been met with sympathy and love were met by someone who knew precisely what I was talking about and who'd made it through. And while sympathy and love is wonderful, empathy is a different level of wonderful. And I just never wanted to leave.
I don't want a romantic relationship, at least not yet. But I want, no I need something with J because I'm pretty sure I may never find someone with whom I'll feel S O comfortable so quickly, ever again. I want to remember this day forever and ever, but at the same time I don't want my feelings getting in the way of this. I want this to take its course and hope that it all just works out for the best. Because what we had today was, in my view at least, nothing like I'd ever had before. And I don't want to lose it.
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