So this really good friend of mine(let's call her Si) threw a Halloween party (well, post- Halloween, really) on the first of November. I got there a little early, helped her finish setting up, etc. People trailed in. I knew about half the people she'd invited, and there weren't all that many of us, so it was fine. It was a good time generally. I drank, for the first time ever. Didn't get drunk or anything. Ate good food, met new people. Laughed. Talked.
But there was this boy. We didn't really get a chance to introduce ourselves in all the rush, but once everyone had eaten and we were all just sitting around and talking, he turned to me and asked me my name. Turns out his name was Tom (OF COURSE it's fucking Tom GODDAMMIT). We talked for a really long time, though we both were also taking part in other conversations around us. But at one point he brushed his hand against mine. And then we exchanged numbers. And when it was time to leave, since he lived right by the subway station I use to get to my dorm, he offered to walk me till there. Si offered to let me just stay over at her place because it was pretty late, but I was meeting my older brother in the morning (AFTER TWO MONTHS FINALLY YAYYYYY), so I had to say no.
Anyway, Tom and I walked back, and it was windy and rainy and cold, and after a point we were holding hands and I wasn't uncomfortable. But then we reached his dorm, and I turned to say goodbye, and the next thing I know, he was kissing me. And I was kissing him back? Because I sure as hell didn't push him away. And after a few minutes of that I pulled back and asked him what happened next and told him that I'd never done this before so I didn't really know how relationships or anything like this worked. I told him that we were both slightly drunk and I didn't want this to turn into something we'd both regret the next morning. And he said, no, I was right, and that he would never push me to do anything that made me uncomfortable and that it was up to me how we wanted to do this. And I said maybe we should just think about this and give it a day and see how we felt in the morning. And he walked me to the subway station and then we kissed again and I was all shy and blushing and he said to text him once I was home safe and that hopefully we'd meet again tomorrow or Monday at school or something.
I'm scared. Not of him. He's incredibly sweet and I trust him. I'm scared of what I have to do now. Because I don't know. I talk about relationships like I want them but now that I'm faced with this I'm scared out of my mind because this is an actual person whose feelings I can hurt and who can just as easily hurt me and I don't know how to deal with this. His name is TOM for fuck's sake. He's a wonderful guy but neither of us know each other all that well and I don't know how to relationship (yes, I'm using it as a verb here). I need to talk to my older brother. Or to Totes. Probably both. Both. Both is good.
I don't know how to deal with this. I was better off in my imaginary world where I was dating Tom HIDDLESTON. I'm so scared right now. I don't want to hurt another person. I don't want to be hurt. I don't want things to become messy. I'm so scared.
But there was this boy. We didn't really get a chance to introduce ourselves in all the rush, but once everyone had eaten and we were all just sitting around and talking, he turned to me and asked me my name. Turns out his name was Tom (OF COURSE it's fucking Tom GODDAMMIT). We talked for a really long time, though we both were also taking part in other conversations around us. But at one point he brushed his hand against mine. And then we exchanged numbers. And when it was time to leave, since he lived right by the subway station I use to get to my dorm, he offered to walk me till there. Si offered to let me just stay over at her place because it was pretty late, but I was meeting my older brother in the morning (AFTER TWO MONTHS FINALLY YAYYYYY), so I had to say no.
Anyway, Tom and I walked back, and it was windy and rainy and cold, and after a point we were holding hands and I wasn't uncomfortable. But then we reached his dorm, and I turned to say goodbye, and the next thing I know, he was kissing me. And I was kissing him back? Because I sure as hell didn't push him away. And after a few minutes of that I pulled back and asked him what happened next and told him that I'd never done this before so I didn't really know how relationships or anything like this worked. I told him that we were both slightly drunk and I didn't want this to turn into something we'd both regret the next morning. And he said, no, I was right, and that he would never push me to do anything that made me uncomfortable and that it was up to me how we wanted to do this. And I said maybe we should just think about this and give it a day and see how we felt in the morning. And he walked me to the subway station and then we kissed again and I was all shy and blushing and he said to text him once I was home safe and that hopefully we'd meet again tomorrow or Monday at school or something.
I'm scared. Not of him. He's incredibly sweet and I trust him. I'm scared of what I have to do now. Because I don't know. I talk about relationships like I want them but now that I'm faced with this I'm scared out of my mind because this is an actual person whose feelings I can hurt and who can just as easily hurt me and I don't know how to deal with this. His name is TOM for fuck's sake. He's a wonderful guy but neither of us know each other all that well and I don't know how to relationship (yes, I'm using it as a verb here). I need to talk to my older brother. Or to Totes. Probably both. Both. Both is good.
I don't know how to deal with this. I was better off in my imaginary world where I was dating Tom HIDDLESTON. I'm so scared right now. I don't want to hurt another person. I don't want to be hurt. I don't want things to become messy. I'm so scared.
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